A Bend in the Road

It's been longer than normal between posts; I've been in a bit of funk and feeling overwhelmed. I'm having a bit of a why me God moment right now. I do not normally talk about personal things, because I like to keep things private when it comes to anything health related. However, I have alluded to being diabetic and I know many of you know about my condition.

For the past several months I've been taking part in preconception counseling because ideally a diabetic should have tightly controlled blood sugar levels prior to, during pregnancy, and while breastfeeding. I've been closely monitoring, recording, and adjusting medications along with starting insulin again. All the work seemed to be paying off and last week I'd been given the go ahead from the perinatologists. aka high risk pregnancy specialists.

Then I met with my endocrinologist and found out that last months test indicated a higher level in one of the labs. What does this mean? Well for starters a "fun" five hour test that involves fifteen minute interval blood draws. Dependant on the results I may need a scan and worst case scenario, or best depending on how you look at it, I may need to have a very small tumor removed. Best case because if I have the condition being tested for the removal would mean that it might "cure" my high blood pressure. Worst because this would of course set back our baby number two plans at least three more months.

We have been ready to add to our family for about two years now, but because of various reasons outside of our control, we've had to put them on hold. Up until now I've been pretty philosophical about it, thinking of it as time to get my body in shape for a pregancy and that we're not in a rush. Plus we are already blessed to have one wonderful little girl. Now I am feeling so frustrated and having a tough time accepting a further delay. I just can't stand being in this state of unknown.

I am trying to remember that often the path you think is right for you, might not part of God's plan. Like how I really really DID NOT want to move to Santa Fe from California, but it ended up being a wonderful thing. Brad and I were able to have our first child and I was surrounded by very supportive and caring co-workers, who in many cases stepped in to provide the daily support my long distance family could not. Plus I had excellent medical and guidance through the shocking - to me anyway - diagnosis of having type II diabetes and learning how to care for myself and manage it during pregnancy and after. I am praying that God's reveals his plan soon.